What Self Care Really Means
There is no doubt about it, self care as of late has been a massive buzzword, mostly by companies, in order to sell products that promote relaxation. Now, I know what you’re thinking. Emily, you literally sell products aimed at ‘Self Care’. And you’d be right, but this post will contain no advertising, no upselling, no features of my own products. Because sure, having a nice relaxing bath at the end of the day is great and can heal a multitude of mental and physical ailments, but at the end of the day, self care isn’t actually pretty at all. People throw around the term willy-nilly in order to make us as a society feel like we’re the ones in control and we’re taking our physical and mental health into our own hands when we carve out ten minutes to shove a face mask on and watch Netflix. So what am I getting at?
Well, self care isn’t as romantic as it’s made out to be. Sometimes, self care can be a harder pill to swallow than most. It’s easy to wrap it up in flowers and disguise self care as a pamper session, bingeing on junk food or splurging your month’s wages on something you’ve had your eye on. Again, don’t get me wrong, those things can be cathartic too, and it is essential to reward yourself with things you enjoy, but it seems there is a disconnect between ‘easy’ self care and difficult, equally if not more so, important tasks.
Financial Self Care
First and foremost, it seems that self care is centred around a capitalists’ bright idea to cash in on human vulnerability. Most advertised self care products, resources or courses require you to spend money. Society today is very keen on the idea of selling you relaxation, when in reality, actual self care might be sitting yourself down and being honest with your spending habits and budgeting. Taking time to think about your finances in depth can be extremely insightful and beneficial for your future self, setting up budgeting tools, looking into investing or assessing your monthly outgoings don’t sound like conventional self care activities but they can be exponentially more useful than taking a hot bath.
There are lots of great tools on investing, even if you haven’t got the first clue about the subject. A quick Google search will bring up more results than you could comprehend, but once you’ve had a think about what sort of investing you would like to try, you can narrow down your search. For example, taking an afternoon to consider opening a retirement fund for later on in your life might be something you’ve thought about but never acted on in the past. Even carving out one afternoon a month to tackle a big but beneficial topic can help you manage your difficult and - let’s face it - boring tasks.
Reflecting on your own finances as a form of self care is such an antithesis to the corporate humdrum companies push you in order to part with your money in order to ‘feel relaxed’ or ‘take time to unwind’. Often, these are empty phrases which could do the opposite if you are trying to save money or are in a tight space financially; shelling out money for products you can’t really afford is a detriment to yourself, the complete opposite of what you think you’re getting. If a spa treatment today might mean skimping on food shopping later on in the month, it kind of defeats the purpose of self care, doesn’t it?
Of course, treating yourself to something you enjoy isn’t to be dismissed completely; in moderation, these sorts of items can feel like a real treat and therefore more enjoyable. At the end of the day, you know your body best, and if it needs a hot bath and some dreamy bath salts, then I am all for it!
The Best Self Care Methods Are FREE
I think sometimes we forget that some of the simplest methods of reflection and turning inwards are free. For example, breathwork is a marvellous tool which can help with stress, anxiety and being more present and grounded. Learning to control and manipulate your breath can be really useful and won’t cost anything, just a little bit of your day. The Wim Hof Method is a great place to start with learning about breathwork. Combined with meditation, this makes the foundation for a great little routine which can help ground you in the present, prevent your mind spiralling and will help you work through the day’s events.
Becoming present and practising grounding is one of the most effective methods for alleviating stress. Anxiety and worry stem mostly from consequences of future events or things that haven’t yet happened. Therefore, if you help set up a self care routine that promotes grounding at the forefront, everything else will become consequently easier to navigate. Grounding requires becoming present and noticing how you’re feeling in any given moment and observing any stressors you might have. Trying guided meditations, yoga or breath-work challenges are good ways of helping to become more present.
Other free methods of self care include taking a walk outside in nature, stretching, yoga; any form of exercise you enjoy essentially. Not only does getting outdoors boost your serotonin levels, fresh air is good for the soul. Even just walking for ten minutes a day is an act of self care that your body and mind will thank you for. A simple walk is often overlooked, but if the pandemic taught us anything, it’s how beneficial getting outside can be for our mental health. There are also a multitude of free exercise classes out there; all you have to do is search on YouTube a form of exercise you are interested in and thousands of results come up, all you need is a bit of discipline and a space to do it in. (Source: Mind Mental Health)
Do the Inner Work for Outer Results
As we mentioned earlier, self care routines aren’t just drinking wine in the bath. Ultimately, sometimes self care requires us to face the most disliked parts of us in order to care for ourselves. For example, if you know you have a toxic trait that affects your relationships, an act of self care would be sitting down and addressing it. Writing a letter to yourself or journaling any thoughts or feelings that pop up are great ways to tackle this issue. If you find that you have a bad habit of talking over others when they’re speaking, sit down with yourself and ask why. Is it because you felt like you had to be the loudest to be heard when you were a child? Is it because of your work environment that you feel you have to be the boldest in the room? Let’s face it, they’re not easy questions to ask, and for sure, we’d rather put our heads in the sand and ignore our toxic traits. But if you are really, genuinely embarking on a self care journey, you need to tackle those parts of yourself that might be less than ideal.
Journaling in and of itself is a brilliant self care tool to actually recognise patterns in your behaviour, understand when you’re overthinking or actually praising yourself when you’ve done something well. Grabbing any old notebook or scrap paper will work and you don’t need anything fancy to make quick progress. Ten minutes of journaling every day or every other day is a perfect start to unload your mind of worries and helps you to empty the mental clutter in your brain. What is important when journaling is to be kind and forgiving to yourself; write about or to yourself like you are your best friend. Show patience, kindness and forgiveness for things you’ve been through. You are worthy of this time to be kind to yourself, understanding that we are all on a journey. Self care has no destination, no finish line. You do not ‘complete’ self care - it is a constant journey which requires consistency and discipline.
Kindness - towards yourself and others - is like a muscle; it requires repetition for it to become easier and more habitual. Nobody is born with the knowledge of how to be the best version of themselves; it is something we figure out throughout circumstances and experiences. Some people are further ahead on their self love journey and that is okay; some people need a bit more encouragement.
Do Things Simply Because You Enjoy Them
Practising daily self care is an important tool to help your mental health, promoting better physical habits and leading by example to those around you. Take time each day to do something for you. Something you whole-heartedly enjoy, that brings you happiness. Do that thing and carve out time throughout your week to commit to doing things just because you enjoy them. Paint with no end goal in mind, learn a dance routine just because you can, walk a new route you’ve never tried before. Often we get caught up in working towards a goal when it comes to our hobbies. Like finishing that crochet blanket, prepping for that 10k run, drawing so you can work on commissions. Those things are all fine, but sometimes it’s important to reset your mind and just do without working towards something. It’s very therapeutic to put your goals aside for a little while and just create, run or dance freely with no endgame. Try it, let me know what your favourite activity to do is. Mine is to paint with no idea how it’s going to turn out!
So, self care - what have we learnt? Well, first of all: self care isn’t selfish, it is in fact very necessary. That being said, sometimes self care isn’t quite as glamorous as just a hot bath or a glass of wine; sometimes self care is hard and not as romantic as we thought. But that’s okay. Often the difficult and boring things we don’t want to do, like setting up a savings account or reflecting on our stress with journaling is just as useful if not more so than their glamorous counterparts.
Taking all I’ve said with a pinch of salt, please bear in mind that - as with anything - life requires balance. Hard and mentally draining tasks like the ones listed in this post won’t be possible every time, and sometimes you will need a bubble bath, a glass of wine and a face mask. That’s fine! I’m totally down for that, too. But sometimes we get complacent yet we know we could be doing more to make our lives easier. This post is just some food for thought and my two cents on the self love/self care discussions making themselves known on social media today. If you have any self care tips or would like to talk all things self care, send me a DM at @emilyarizona on Instagram or email at hello@emilyarizona.com.
What’s next on your self care to-do list?